The Things You Find in Crochet Patterns

This blog has been going for over fifty posts now and I think I’ve reached a level where I’m comfortable enough to admit some things to you all.  In this spirit of sharing and openness, I have a confession to make: I first started collecting old knitting patterns for the lols.

I didn’t even own a single pair of knitting needles.

I thought I was going to stick to crochet forever.

Ha!

But seriously, old knitting patterns, especially from the sixties and seventies, are full of the most amazing craziness you are ever likely to see.  This craziness reaches a whole new level when it comes to crochet pattern books, however.  Painfully bright colours mix with dresses that really shouldn’t be worn with no underwear, despite what the models are doing.  Men do their best to pretend that, yes, they would totally wear that multi-coloured crochet vest even if they weren’t being paid to do so.  (see Exhibit A)  And through it all, I’m standing there wondering Why? and Did anyone actually WEAR any of these things? (see Exhibit B)

Patons 356 Cover

Exhibit A. “A single-coloured vest, papa? We groovy guys won’t settle for anything less than six clashing colours. It’s called style. Plus, you’re kind of blending into your chair there.” I have this pattern in my collection because there was simply no way I could leave it behind. Why did this even happen?

Patons 310 Cover

Exhibit B. “For some reason, I always feel like eating licorice allsorts when I wear this highly manly poncho.” My mum has this actual pattern book, so it may only be a matter of time until I drop by for a visit and find my dad wearing one of these.

I’ve been asking that Why? question a great deal lately, as I’ve been trying to find crochet books for the ma, who gave all hers away a while back and is now regretting it.  There are always little gems tucked away amidst the craziness.  And at other times, there’s a little extra craziness tossed in for good measure.

Take the book I found the other day.  It has your standard fare: lacy dresses bordering on indecent, the odd pair of crocheted trousers (yes, they are real) or a pantsuit.  I was taking it all in my stride as I flipped through.

And then this happened:

Crochet Romance SM

It’s a picture that raises more questions than it’s ever going to answer.  Why are they standing on that rock?  Why is the dog there?  Why is she wearing that?  Why is it held together with a string at the front?

You can imagine the conversation before they set out, can’t you?

“Ready to go and walk the dog, darling?”

“Just give me a moment – I have to lace myself into this crochet monstrosity and put my silver shoes on.”

It looks to me like a romance cover gone wrong.  It has everything: moody weather, hair flowing in the wind, a guy in a white shirt with the collar undone.  A dog.

I feel like it desperately needs a caption, though.  Leave a comment with your best caption!  Or captions, because there’s more than enough crazy to go around there.  Best caption wins their very own copy of the pattern, but don’t let that put you off.

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9 thoughts on “The Things You Find in Crochet Patterns

  1. Bonita Vear (@bjvear) says:

    Him (pleading) “I love you forever, be mine!”

    Her (in sultry, husky voice) “Can’t you see? I’m a free soul! You cannot tame the wind!”

    Him (hiding manly tears) “but.. But we bought Bo-Bo together! We raised him from a puppy! He is our love child!”

    Her (smirks to self, she was a cat person all along) “If you truly love someone, you have to set them free.”

    :: Walks off, leaving misguided pirate-lover-man to cry in Bo-Bo’s fur. Alone. In the rain. Huddled on the wet sand.::

    ———————————————————-

    Sorry… Got a bit crazy there. But not as crazy as those pictures! Truly insane! That was fun though ~ and I loved your first caption…

    “A single-coloured vest, papa? We groovy guys won’t settle for anything less than six clashing colours. It’s called style. Plus, you’re kind of blending into your chair there.” Roflmao right there.

    xox,
    bonita of Lavender & Twill

    Liked by 2 people

    • Katie Writes Stuff says:

      It’s amazing how much we can read into a simple image. I can just imagine her striding off through the coastal breeze, feeling wonderfully warm everywhere except her arms and perhaps wishing she’d crafted some sort of crocheted poncho to match the bodysuit.

      I may need to post more of this stuff because there’s plenty more craziness to be found in my collection.

      Like

  2. Sharon says:

    I am also a collector of vintage patterns and yep the crochet patterns, what can I say! I can honestly say, being born in the 1960’s and being around when these gems were supposedly being created, cannot remember seeing any being worn. Oh please do post some more, they are a lot of fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Katie Writes Stuff says:

      In some ways, it’s a relief to know that no-one was forced to wear some of the crazier items of crocheted madness (although I must admit, that poncho looks like it would be lovely and warm). I’ll definitely be sharing some more soon, which means I’d better go through my crochet collection before I give it away to my ma.

      Vintage patterns really are an endless source of enjoyment. 😀

      Like

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